Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
