M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
