i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
