Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
