btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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