So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
