im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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