This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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