I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
