Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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