I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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