I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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