I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
