Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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