We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
