I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
