I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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