take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
