So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
