so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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