Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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