saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
