Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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