So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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