Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize