just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
