I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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