I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
