we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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