We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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