my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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