I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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