I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
