I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
