Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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