Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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