Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you made out with another girl for some wings
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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