Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
