from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
