are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
