your parents love me but you hate me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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