I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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