I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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