You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
