bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
