My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
