Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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