Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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