if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
