So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
