if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
