Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
