My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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