my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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