I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I look better un-naked...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
