I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
