and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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