i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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