that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
