the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
