There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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