Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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