pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
