I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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