so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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