like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
