If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
