I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
